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Awkward conversations4/1/2023 ![]() Answering these questions has clarified the whole matter for me. More than once a leader has said, I actually don’t need to have the conversation now. They realise that the issue is primarily in their mind and they need to make adjustments to their thinking. As I’ve trained leaders in how to have an awkward conversation I’ve also noticed that preparing for the conversation can be enough to settle the issue in a leader’s mind. Preparation is the key to an awkward conversation. What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the situation? These stories will be playing out in your mind. A villain story frames the person as a horrible person. Is there Mutual Respect? If not, what will it take to create it? If you don’t respect the person then respect the fact Jesus died for themĪm I telling myself a Victim or Villain story? A victim story is basically a self-pity, poor me story. How would I behave if I really did want that? What do I really want for myself? The other person? The relationship? Prepare for the conversation by writing down your answers to these simple but profound questions. Photo courtesy of Sharon Mollerus(CC Attribution) It works! Let me guide you through the process of having an awkward conversation. We now have a weekly tech appointment in which I solve her problems. Thankfully we arrived at a simple conclusion that has guided us in the last two years to significantly reduced tension in our marriage. I came to understand Di’s frustrations and her mine. We had our awkward conversation and it went well. It caused ongoing and unnecessary tension in our marriage so I decided to use the tools I had discovered in Crucial Conversations. Reluctant doesn’t even begin to describe my attitude. Over the years I’ve been less than gracious when she’s needed me to step up and be her tech help desk. Then I have to step in and fix those problems. She has an innate ability to do terrible things to phones, computers and iPads. ![]() However, we’ve had one ongoing point of tension. We rarely argue and never really get angry with each other. I used these tools in a key conversation with my wife Di a couple of years ago.ĭi and I have had a genuinely happy marriage. It literally changed my life because it gave me the practical tools to prepare for and lead an awkward conversation.Īn Awkward Conversation Changed Our Marriage In fact, it is in my all-time top ten most influential books. 50 Of The Most Painfully Awkward Exchanges In All Of Human History I'm cringing. ![]() Of course, the conflict can be closer to home and impact our marriage and relationships with our children or wider family. Why? The stakes are higher when you are in conflict with a key leader because this can send a disruptive ripple through your entire church.Īlso, you may have walked with this leader for many years and you love them and the friendship is a precious thing that you don’t want to lose. Sometimes it’s a church member who disagrees with a leadership direction or is angry that a program they loved has now ceased.Īt other times the conflict can be with a key leader and this is particularly stressful. Like me, they were used to dealing with conflict in church life as they led their corps. I was amazed at the impact it had not only on me but on these officers. Our focus was on how to grow a healthy church. I was coaching a group of Salvation Army officers at the time and this book was one of the key texts in our coaching sessions. Ready to have the talk? Connect with an advisor to help guide the conversation.Then a few years ago I read a life-changing book, Crucial Conversations. In the end, the subject of money is like most everything else in relationships: it works best when you’re both involved and engaged, and it all comes down to communication. If you’re not on the same page at first, try to understand each other’s point of view. Ultimately, you need to be open and honest. What happens to our family’s financial wellbeing if one of us gets sick? Who’s going to make important decisions for our children in the case of a death? Has anything changed recently that requires us to update our will? How would we like to distribute our assets and to whom – for example, to our children, loved ones, and charities? An advisor can guide you in creating an estate plan and will engage the right experts to ensure your wishes are fulfilled. It’s important to make these decisions together and communicate your plan. If you want to make sure your children are looked after in a certain way or want to leave a legacy to a specific charity, your estate plan can help make that happen. Conversation #5: What will happen to our finances and loved ones when we’re no longer around?Ĭonfronting the possibility of a death or serious illness is uncomfortable but planning ahead can help you ensure your specific wishes are carried out.
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